The Guardian has posted a confessional published by an unnamed man who opens up about what sex is like with someone with autism, “a homosexual man in my mid-50s diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome or high-functioning autism.”
Explains in detail what it’s like for him:
“Informal environments such as higher education and work, I come across as reasonably normal, pleasant, chatty if a bit shy and wary, and unusually sympathetic (albeit in a detached way, as if I were a professional counselor). Outside of work, I am introverted, a creature of habit, mistrustful of people, preferring seclusion and personal autonomy. People regard me as remote and eccentric. A comfortable level of social interaction consists of talking for a couple of hours over dinner, a few times a year, within a small circle of trusted friends. I do not bond emotionally with anyone, including immediate family.”
And it’s the “not bonding emotionally with anyone” part that can make sex a little, well, tricky.
He has a heightened fear of disease contagion and admits that even casual contact with people repulsive, and it’s for this reason he avoids any intimate relationships. He does state that he is a person with sexual needs even given his challenges, so does he meet those needs? “In the least risky, least effortful manner,” he writes. “Solitary masturbation, one to three times a day.”
He furthermore has come to look at his situation as a “biological urge” but understands that “The aspiration for love and sex is not universal,” and “Nor is it exclusively people with a low sex drive who choose a solitary life.”
h/t: The Guardian
If you are a bottom expect to pay more than tops, well at least at a New York gay sex club. It appears organizers will be charging $65 entry for a bottom and just $25 for tops.
Bottoms are not too pleased about having to pay 50%. Many are questioning the disparity in the admission price and just how it will be enforced. Then there is the question of those guys that are versatile.
A promoter for the event tells Gay Star News the pricing was needed for “a huge ratio of tops to bottoms.” Furthermore, he explains “The way the party works is that bottoms volunteer as a cumdump, they are placed into position for the entirety of the party and stay there as long as they want,” and we wanted to keep the party more manageable for obvious safety reasons. So we used a smaller and therefore more expensive (per capita) space.”
However, many are expressing concern of “top privilege”, which has become a concern in the gay community. But the promoter is defending the gap by stating: “That’s also part of what the bottoms are paying more for,” he says, “a guaranteed high number of tops.”
If you’ve ever had gay sex or watched gay sex you’ll know there are countless possible positions. But where to start? How do you have sex ‘properly’? What feels best? So we’ve put together a guide of sexual position that might be most pleasurable – But before we start and you run to stick it in we recommend always participating in safe sex and if condoms aren’t your thing then think of using PreP as means to reduce your exposure to HIV (just remember that PreP will not protect you from other STI’s).
Let’s get started. What works for you and your partner/s depends on your shape and size, and we’re not talking about cocks. For example, if you’re tall and the guy your with is shorter you should be able to fuck in various positions that a pair of beefy guys would find uncomfortable. Regardless at the end of the day, it comes down to angles, different levels of flexibility and being able to hold or change positions.
Who said physics is boring?
Anal sex positions
Most of these gay sex positions are anal sex positions, but there are some non-penetrative sexual positions at the end too.
If you’re after more anal sex reading, here’s another general guide on how to have anal sex that covers douching, communication, lube and some other stuff.
Top, bottom or versatile?
We’re going to look at sex positions from the point of view of a top and a bottom. If you’re versatile (and we encourage you all to be), lucky you, you can do both. In some gay sex positions the top leads the action, and in some the bottom takes the lead. So pay attention or you might miss your turn. Interested in finding out why some guys are top and some are bottom? Here’s a scientific study from 2017 that talks about it.
Try the gay missionary position first
This gay sex position may sound boring, but it’s not, we promise. It’s one of the easiest positions for a top, and not especially difficult for a bottom.
Before that, though… the foreplay
If you’re engaging in foreplay and sucking his cock while he’s laying down, keep licking, kissing and sucking as you move your mouth down towards his balls. Then go further, toward his perineum (the bit between his balls and his ass) and then his butthole.
Bottom: if you’re enjoying this, give him a few moans and wriggle your asshole a bit closer to where his tongue is. If he’s keen, keep eating his ass. Open his ass cheeks and get in there deep with your tongue. If you can, and body shapes and sizes depend on this, lift his ass up a bit.
Grab a pillow and spit
A pillow under the bottom’s butt can help to raise his asshole up for easier access and comfort for both parties. Start rubbing your cock against his hole. Spit on your cock. Use lube, and condoms if you’re going ahead with penetrative sex.
Seeing eye to eye
The gay missionary position is good for maintaining eye contact and clear communication during anal sex. You can penetrate your partner slowly and carefully, keeping an eye on the target. You can build up a momentum that you’re both comfortable with. And it’s easy to get back in if you slip out, because you can see everything clearly.
Legs in the air
Once you’re both comfortable, try holding his legs back if you’re Top. Or putting them over your shoulders if you want to get really deep.
Bottom: you could also hold your legs back yourself, behind the knees or by your feet if you’re flexible enough!
Now try riding a guy’s cock
If you’re new to getting f**ked, or nervous about taking a big dick, this gay sex position could be good for you, because as a bottom, you’ll have the control. It’s a good one for gaining confidence when it comes to taking cock – if it starts to hurt, you can slow down, and lower yourself onto him at your own pace.
You need a certain amount of athleticism to be able to ride your man. You want to be going up and down, and slightly back and forth, at the same time. A bit like riding a horse.
If you’re bigger built than your top, or if you’re a bigger guy in general this one can be tricky as gravity is against you. Be careful not to crush the guy under you or he’ll be at risk of losing his erection.
If you’re both standing up – and you may well be if you’re f**king in a sauna, sex club, dance floor, kitchen, etc, bending over for a top, or bending someone over, can be a winner. Whether this is comfortable or not for the bottom will depend on, you guessed it – angles.
Men’s rectums are all different, so your height difference, cock shape and size, and the angle that you’re f**king him in, will all play a part in how successful (pleasurable) this gem of a position will be.
Top: start slow and give him time to get comfortable.
Bottom: telling him you’re going to back onto his cock and thus leading the action / setting the pace can help. Adjust your stance by sticking your ass up and out more, until you find the most comfortable position.
Tops: this is a good one if you and your partner like to f**k hard. Hold onto his waist and draw your whole body into him. Or hold onto his shoulders with him bent right over backwards if he enjoys a more upwards thrust.
This one is trickier than it looks because you’ll need to position your ass in a way that makes it easy for your top to penetrate you.
It’s either going to work or it’s not. If you’re top, get behind your man, who should be in front of you on all fours. If your cock lines up nicely with his asshole, you’re winning. If the angles require some gymnastics or penetration at an awkward angle, it could be painful for you both. Give it a go by all means, but it’s probably worth trying something else.
Bottoms: also note, your knees can get sore, and you can’t see your partner’s face clearly, so it’s harder to see if you’re both enjoying it.
On the side
One of the best, and not just because you can carry on watching Netflix. Bottoms – lay on your side with your ass turned out. It might help to open your ass cheeks up so your top can find your sweet spot.
Top: once you’re in, carefully lay down next to your partner and put your arms around him.
This can be a really intimate position, as you can hold him tight, kissing his neck and face. There’s also the potential to pump away pretty hard. It’s all in the hips!
That’s the basics of anal covered
Of course, there are a ton more complicated positions like the greasy vine sparkler and the unicorn (or something), but do the four we’ve covered well and you’ll be cumming back to them again and again.
Not such a fan of anal? Don’t stress!
Try the best oral sex position for you and your partner… the 69.
Getting into a good 69 position can be tricky, and there are different ways to do it. If you’re a similar height, lay side by side, ‘top to tail,’ so your faces are in each other’s crotch. Different heights? The taller guy can curve into a V shape so that your bits are in the right places. If you’re a bit more athletic, another way to do this involves your partner laying down, face up. Get into a push-up style position, with your mouths and cocks lined up. In this position, you can f**k his mouth from above.
That’s it! Always remember to try something new, in different places and always play safe.
The Archives of Sexual Behavior has completed a new study that shows when it comes to gay sex, straight men just can't get enough. Over 24,000 undergraduate students were asked about any or their same-sex experiences. About 1 in 8.5 straight men admitted to having sex with other men, however, don't consider themselves gay or bi.
According to co-author Airelle Kuprberg: “There was a big disconnect between what people said their sexual orientation was and what their actions were.” Kuprberg has written extensively on the subject in the past, she further stated that there is two reasons why straight men hookup with another guy; experimentation and performance. The study found that men in their early 20's are about experimenting and trying new things, and for modern undergrads that means between the sheets as well.
Metro reported that when it comes to performance, they engage in so-called "performative bisexuality" and happen when one enjoys sexual contact. It might be due to the fact what it garners and the arousal that it provokes in others. It becomes more about the reaction than the actual act, which might explain why people who experiment with performative bisexuality don't as a rule consider themselves gay or bi.
Once again another study that shows that straight me are having more gay sex than people thought and that why most think in terms of sexuality fluid.
Watching porn all of the time might cause the brain to literally rewire itself. Triggering the brain to produce chemicals and form new nerve pathways, leading to lasting changes to your brain. Several studies have shown that frequently viewing pornography causes the brain to be less active and smaller in some areas.
Can porn change your brain? Studies have shown a correlation between consumption and less active and smaller brains. It's important to understand that your brain is continually's changing throughout your lifetime and is constantly rewiring itself and producing new nerve connection. The brain is made up of about 100 billion unique nerves called neurons, which carry electrical signals back and forth between parts of your brain and your body.
Look at it this way. Neuronal pathways are like many trails in the woods. Each time you use the trail it gets wider and more permanent. So, when messages travel down a neuronal pathway, it gets stronger. Our brains is a very hungry organ, while it's only 2% of your body weight, it eats up 20% of our energy and oxygen. Within the brain, there is fierce competition between brain pathways and the ones that don't get used enough most likely get replaced. Like that old saying "either use it or lose it" or "only the strong survive."
That’s where porn comes in.
Porn creates new, and long-lasting pathways within the brain. It is so ferocious that most activity can compete with it, including sex with someone real. It's no joke that porn can and will overpower the brains' natural ability to have real sex! Why is that? "porn creates the perfect conditions and triggers the release of the right chemicals to make lasting changes in the brain," explains Dr. Norman Doidge, a researcher at Columbia University.
The forming and conditions of strong neuronal pathways are called "flow". This is a satisfying state of focused attention. So when you're in the flow, it gets so deep that nothing else seems to matter. Your focus is on what you doing, and you lose track of time, everything sees to disappears, and you need more and more porn to create the process of "flow." So, your sitting in front of your computer (or on your phone) looking at porn. You become so absorbed in porn that nothing else can compete for your attention, not even going to sleep. This is the perfect condition for you to form new neuronal pathways, and that's what your brain is doing. Every time you click from movie to movie trying to find that perfect scene, you are reinforcing the pathways that are created in the brain.
Like any addictive behavior or substance, porn activates a part of your brain called the reward center, and this will trigger the release of a so-called cocktail of several chemicals that gives you a temporary buzz. One of the main components of that cocktail is a protein called DeltaFosB.
DeltaFosB is extremely important for learning any kind of new skill, is can also lead to compulsive/addictive behaviors, more so in adolescents. It is also referred to as "the molecular switch for addiction," once it builds up, it starts to switch on genes that create long-term craving, wanting you to grave porn more and more. Once released, DeltaFosB isn't going to go away anytime soon, it can remain around for weeks or months, which is why when you watch porn repeatedly you develop strong cravings long after you have stopped.
There is good news, neuroplasticity works in both directions. If you don't reinforce the porn pathways, they will over time disappear, so the pathways for porn can be replaced with something else.
There is a reason why the porn industry is so successful, and why they have overloaded the internet with porn, if you are addicted, you're going to continue to watch.
Lewis, M. (2017). Addiction And The Brain: Development, Not Disease. Neuroethics. 1-12. Doi:10.1007/S12152-016-9293-4; Hall, P., (2014). Sex Addiction—An Extraordinarily Contentious Problem. Sexual And Relationship Therapy, 29(1) 68-75. Doi:10.1080/14681994.2013.861898
Hilton, D.L, & Watts, C. (2011). Pornography Addiction: A Neuroscience Perspective, Surgical Neurology International 2, 19. Doi:10.4103/2152-7806.76977
Meerkerk, G.J., Van Den Eijnden, R.J., & Garretsen, H.F. (2006). Predicting Compulsive Internet Use: It’s All About Sex!, CyberPsychology And Behavior, 9(1), 95-103. Doi:10.1089/Cpb.2006.9.95; See Also Korkeila, J., Kaarlas, S., Jaaskelainen, M, Vahlberg, T., Taiminen, T. (2010). Attached To The Web—Harmful Use Of The Internet And Its Correlates. European Psychiatry 25(4) 236-241. Doi: 10.1016/J.Eurpsy.2009.02.008 (Finding “Adult Entertainment” To Be The Most Common Reason For Compulsive Internet Use.)
Holden, C. (2001). Behavioral Addictions: Do They Exist? Science 294(5544), 980. Doi: 10.1126/Science.294.5544.980
Voon, V., Et Al. (2014). Neural Correlates Of Sexual Cue Reactivity In Individuals With And Without Compulsive Sexual Behaviors, PLoS ONE, 9(7), E102419. Doi:10.1371/Journal.Pone.0102419; Olsen, C. M., (2011). Natural Rewards, Neuroplasticity, And Non-Drug Addictions. Neuropharmacology, 61, 1109-1122. Doi:10.1016/J.Neuropharm.2011.03.010; Nestler, E. J. (2005). Is There A Common Molecular Pathway For Addiction? Nature Neuroscience 9, 11: 1445–1449. Doi:10.1038/Nn1578
April 8, 1947, Dr. Alfred Kinsey founded the Kinsey Institute. Giving researchers the freedom to study sex, improving relationships all over the world. In the process, he began to transform our understanding of sex and sexual behavior.
Kinsey was raised in a highly religious home, passionate about the outdoors and the natural world. While in college he would study botany and zoology (while his parents wanted him to become an engineer). He would lay down the foundation for the emerging study of plants and animals in the single field of biology, thus giving scientist the ability to promote evolution.
There is no doubt that it was the Kinsey Institute that changed the perception of sex on a global platform. The institute was originally named the Institute for Sex Research, founded at the Indiana University using grants from the Rockefeller Foundation.
The landmark document, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male would be published just one year later. Researchers found that 37% of men and 13% of women had same-sex-experiences that brought them to orgasm. At the same time, they published statistics (still-cited) that 10% of men are exclusively homosexual. It would be at this point the "Kinsey Scale" was established, a six-point method to indicate gendering of a person's attraction.
The work was not without controversy or questionable methods, Kinsey encouraged sex between colleagues and he had several relationships (sexual) with work colleagues as well. One example was that he would film fellow researchers having sex. Some of the data he collected is considered inaccurate, for example on single pedophile was extrapolated to represent multiple people. Kinsey has been accused of disproportionately focusing on queer men and prisoners, without fully understanding the culture that represented each one. At one point Kinsey began to import erotic material from other countries, thus gaining the attention of the U.S. Government, and the U.S. Customs would have to sue to release pornographic material.
Kinsey passed away in 1956 and Dr. Paul Gebhard took over the institute, and successfully fought off government restrictions over the word that the institute conducted. Dr. June Reinisch took over the helm and at this time began to publish newspaper columns that discussed topics in sexual research.
Today the institute has continued to move forward the discussion about sex. There are now online resources to help people understand their bodies and desires. How far has the Kinsey Institute come? Well, there is now a sexual health clinic and exhibits erotic art shows which allow research into the humanities.
For 71 years the Kinsey Institute has changed our perception regarding sex and sexual behavior. While there have been some questionable research and conclusions, there is no doubt the Institute has allowed human around the world to have an open discussion. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
If you remember 'The Mummy" and "George of the Jungle, then you might remember Brendan Fraser. The actor seemed to just disappear, well now he is opening up about why he left.
In a bombshell interview with GQ, the actor states that the main reason his career went south is because of an alleged sexual assault involving Philip Berk, the former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the same organization that host the Golden Globes.
The incident supposedly happened in 2003 at an industry luncheon. Fraser can recall the incident with clarity. “His left-hand reaches around grabs my ass cheek, and one of his fingers touches me in the taint. And he starts moving it around,” he says. “I felt ill. I felt like a little kid. I felt like there was a ball in my throat. I thought I was going to cry.” It appears that Berk later apologized, however, the actor was so upset regarding the incident that he decided to retreat from the spotlight. “It made me feel reclusive,” he also stated that “I became depressed. I was blaming myself and I was miserable–because I was saying, ‘This is nothing; this guy reached around and he copped a feel.’
It was the #MeToo and Time's up movements that gave him the insight and courage to speak out about his experience. “I watched this wonderful [Time’s Up] movement, these people with the courage to say what I didn’t have the courage to say,” he says. “Am I still frightened? Absolutely. Do I feel like I need to say something? Absolutely. Have I wanted to many, many times? Absolutely. Have I stopped myself? Absolutely.” “And maybe I am over-reacting in terms of what the instance was. I just know what my truth is.”
Of course, Berk denies the allegations, stating that “Mr. Fraser’s version is a total fabrication. My apology admitted no wrongdoing, the usual ‘If I’ve done anything that upset Mr. Fraser, it was it was not intended and I apologize.’” In a statement to Us Weekly, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association stated:
The HFPA stands firmly against sexual harassment and the type of behavior described in this article. Over the years we’ve continued a positive working relationship with Brendan, which includes announcing Golden Globe nominees, attending the ceremony and participating in press conferences. This report includes alleged information that the HFPA was previously unaware of and at this time we are investigating further details surrounding the incident.
Rickey Martin wants to have an open conversation about open relationships, especially with gay men. He is currently playing Antonio D'Amico the longtime lover of Gianni Versace on he Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story. The two were in a 15 year committed relationship, however, they were open and did sleep with other people. Martin wants the series to dispel the stereotypes about non-monogamous relationships.
Martin told Vulture “I want to normalize relationships like this,” and “It’s good for the world; it’s good for me as a gay man with kids. It’s important that we shed some light on power couples like this.”
What he found most challenging as an actor was in the first episode, when the FBI began it's interrogating D'Amico about his relationship with Varsace. “It was a very excruciating scene for me. I mean, this guy was opening every door that was a secret from Gianni’s and Antonio’s relationship. I’m talking about bringing men into our lives. I’m talking about bringing escorts. That exposure is very heavy,” Martin said. “[But] the story, once again, needs to be told, for people to see the level of unity between these two. The level of commitment after 15 years. The level of security… and trust between them is so solid.”
What I Mean When I Say Toxic Non-Monogamy Culture.This piece is in response to a short list of aspects of monogamous relationships that can be toxic (link is dead, I will try to find it again). Some of these are mirrors of the points in the list of toxic monogamy cultural norms, and some of them are very different. All of this is in my opinion, and probably has a philosophically anarchistic slant to them. They are accompanied by commentary on why the idea in question is toxic. Enjoy.
What I Mean When I Say Toxic Non-Monogamy Culture
~Jealousy is an indicator of the wrong-doing of the partner of the person feeling jealous.
Jealousy is a word often used in non-monogamous discourse as a weapon. It is accusatory, as well as it is shamed. I think jealousy can be a catch-all term for bad feelings we have related to the other relationships close people to us are in, and starts within ourselves as a marker for things we need to think about regarding our personal development and that of our relationship integrity.
~A sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical disagreements over needs, insecurities or other relationships
This is a fallacy. Sometimes, people are incompatible and that just becomes more and more likely the more people are added to the equation. Unless everyone has their shit together, it’s not going to function in a way that supports everyone involved, let alone manage to squeak by without anyone getting really steamrolled.
~Relationships are for getting your needs met, so if you aren’t getting a need met in one relationship, another with whomever will do
People are not need-fulfillment pegs to shove into the holes in your heart, y’all. Trying to find people with your specific “need” (let’s face it, we’re talking about wants) in mind first is not paying homage to the dynamism of human beings.
~Love is limitless, which means that you can have as many relationships as you want
Time is limited, and so is energy. While it is prudent, always, to consider whether the amount of time you have to offer someone lines up with the amount that they would like to have with you, it is also advisable to take a look at the assumption that time spent in each other’s physical company is the be-all-end-all demonstration of care.
~Commitment assumes exclusivity of aspects of relationships
Commitment is in the agreements, not the exclusivity. It is also a bit of a fallacy, as people’s minds can change about what they want to be doing, and then weigh the value of the relationship agreement against the desired change at any time, and it serves us to foster safe renegotiation in order to promote autonomy in our relationships.
~Marriage and children limit how non-monogamous someone is, or what they have available to other people
While children become a top priority in the lives of parents, this does not negate or cancel out the importance of their relationships to them, and how they engage with the people they care about. It can mean some finagling of schedules, but that can be easily managed when everyone is understanding and accepting of children’s needs being of high importance.
~Your insecurities are your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
This is precisely in conflict with why lots of people choose non-monogamy for their lives: the challenge, the growth, and the stretching capacity of their hearts and minds. Without a careful examination of self-motives and self-governance, non-monogamous relationships will crash and burn more often than not. Ignorance of self-work is a disservice to yourself, and to the people you care about. Asking for help with self-work is great, but it is still ultimately your responsibility.
~Your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
As previously mentioned, it is also advisable to take a look at the assumption that time spent in each other’s physical company is the be-all-end-all demonstration of care. This is simply not always true, and can be a showstopper if an inherent need for time, or lack thereof, is mismatched. There are lots of different ways to show care, but they need to be negotiated and desirable for all parties involved.
~Being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself
This one has been a trip-wire for me for years, and I am happy to say that I may finally be getting out of some very self-destructive habits around how much my friends and partners experience of me shapes my reality about who I am. While constructively critical feedback from loved ones is a help to anyone’s personal growth, boundaries around how another person defines your behavior, and how your inherent character can be separate from their perceptions of your behavior, is so important for self-sustainability.
Original post: Chelsey Does Love. 04/14/2017
The best sex in my opinion is sex that pushes our boundaries and makes us anxious. If not, sex just becomes consistent and safe, that equates to boring and limited sex. Experts state that pushing yourself into sex that makes you anxious is not only a sign of growth, but a direct move towards hotter orgasms. As humans we tend to focus on touching the body, and thus ignoring the high arousal of the verbal. I understand that there are those who are not fully into "dirty talk", but a little verbal reinforcement can go a long way in being sexual stimulated. For example dirty talk should be confined to the bedroom, sex can exist anywhere with sexting; furthermore sexting has become one of the best forms of arousal and eroticization.
Sex is about assessing compatibility and opening yourself and partners to what arouses us, and if both are an erotic match. Remembering that what you want sexually is not always possible, and relationships have limits
There is no way that anyone can make someone into a sexual being that they're not, but it's how we respond to a partner that is making a sexual request and especially when it comes down to a deep communication of care. So when asking your partner to talk dirty to you is not just about wanting some filth talk so that you can "get off". It becomes a request to be a good partner and learning how important you and sex are together. If you trust your partner, and you feel comfortable and safe with - asks for sex that tests or is outside of your boundaries, ALLWAYS DO IT!
Just keep in mind that if you want your partner to talk dirty to you, you have to ask for it, no one can read minds. Keep in mind that is you're going to ask something uncommon from someone, be prepared to show them as well. So next time you want some dirty talk make sure you establish boundaries as to what words are acceptable and what words are not. And it’s a bonus if your partner is more on the top or dom side of the sexual continuum, I've learned to test the waters and know that not everyone has the temperament, interest or sexual ability to give me the filth talk, and that's OK!