In a recent interview with Gay Star News, professional wrestler Mike Parrow talked about dealing with being gay and living in a "closet". This was his first time speaking openly about his sexuality along with the long journey on accepting himself.
Four years ago the Orlando native would let close friends and family four years ago; but admits that he tired to fight his same-sex feelings by dating women. Something he regrets as he got older it would be hard to have any type of emotional relationship with women and therefore would end it by stating "I just don't think you're pretty." Something he wishes he could take back.
Moving to Orlando in his late 20's he stated that it was "absolutely the worst experience in my life." Believing it would be the perfect time to explore his sexuality. He learned that gay men could be the meanest, cruelest people you've ever met and that you can be masculine-shamed in the gay community in which he added "weird, but it happens." It would drive him to contemplate suicide and even sign up for conversion therapy, in which he describes as an "absolute joke."
Coming out to his family he admits was the hardest thing he every had to do, but understanding if he was going to be true to himself and to be himself he had to. His mother a Sunday school teacher summed it up perfectly " God doesn't make mistakes."
‘I told my dad and he was like, “Yeah?” And I’m like, “Yeah?” And he was like, “Well, you’ve got to give me some credit. I am a detective. I kind of figured that out of all the girls you kept denying that you didn’t like girls, I was just waiting for you to tell me!” Mike Parrow
With regards to his wrestling career it appears that he has not run into much homophobia, and when he does he address it ‘When I personally hear those things I address it. So, I will go up to them and say, “If you have a problem, we can discuss this.” he stated.
It appears that more professional athletes come out as gay and breaking down stereotypes and barriers. It shows the progress of the LGBT community. However, even we have to admit we have a long way to go to accepting people who they are and the choices they make in their lives.
What are your thoughts?
In a recent study researches found that gay couples appear to be happier in their relationships than straight couples, and in another study found gays are better at sex.
Indiana University reached out to more than 2,000 gay's (gay, lesbian and bisexuals) and 50,000 straight individuals. The study was conducted across the United States. And the results are pretty surprising
What was interesting wast that gay men reported that they have had an orgasm 89% during sex, lesbians 86%. Straight men reported to have orgasm-ed 95% of the time, and straight women only 65% of the time. So let just assume that straight couples both climax 65% of the time, well then we can assume that gay and lesbian partners are doing really good when it come to sex. look at it this way gay couples come out 24 and 21 percent ahead of straight couples, which show you that gay couples appear to have more fun during sex.
Do you know what I did to the last guy that called me Tinkerbelle. Slept with him? Dani Alexander
However the report did show that bisexual men have orgasms 88% of the time during sex, bi women were not so fortunate at 66% of the time reach an orgasm. Research has found that bisexuals consistently have the lowest life satisfactions among LGBT people.
So, it appears that gay men lead the pack when it come to satisfaction, but lets me honest it's not always the case. But gay men tend to be more primeval and physical, this might explain whey gay men enjoy engaging in sex. Lesbians tend to be more passionate and there is a strong emotional bond. Either way the study shows there is no denying gay couples enjoy sex much more than straight couples. YEAH!
What do you think?
Three porn actors two men, and one female have claimed in a Federal law suit that they contracted HIV in 2014 while filming scenes for Kink. U.S. District Judge Dames Donato granted the insurance company a summary judgment saying a physical-sexual abuse exclusion "exempts the insurer from covering claims arising from sexual activity," according to a report in the Courthouse News. The three actors are being represented by Atain Specialty Insurance.
According to one of the actors now retired stated he was infected while filming "Bound in Public" in 2013. Another performer claims that while filming at the Armony in San Francisco, he was blindfolded and required to perform oral sex with dozens of men of the general public - "they were untested, unidentified members of the general public." He tested positive two week later. However does admit he had a cut in his mouth at the time of filming.
“The language of this exclusion is not ambiguous in the context of this policy and the circumstances of this case,” Donato wrote in his 6-page ruling. “Because the contractual language is clear and explicit, it governs.”
In a statement to Courthouse News Karen Tynan attorney for Kink.com in 2015 “None of these claims were made at the time of the shoots, and are easily refuted both by detailed shoot records, our testing protocols, and the video footage itself."
I am sure there are many points of view regarding "bareback", "risky" porn. What are your thoughts?
h/t: Courthouse News
Have you ever thought about kink, and what would it be like. Well lets just say you might be in for a surprise. Researcher Katharine Gates looked into the world of kink, this vast sometime unknown scene of desire. Her new book "Deviant Desires: A Tour of the Erotic Edge" she explores the vast world of kink and ties them all together in a chart. How they are somewhat interchanged with each other, some are just downright predatory and in some cases criminal.
Gabriel H. Sanchez interviewed Katherine Gates for BuzzFeed. This is the complete article "10 Sex Kinks That Prove There's No One Way To Do It".
What do you Think?
If we're going to be honest I had never heard of Colby Melvin. It's impossible to follow everyone in the LGBT culture and to me he was just another pretty face. But I took the time to read the article published by Queerty. The article talks about his coming out in conservative Alabama, the pressures of modeling, being a young gay man, HIV testing, and some other interesting topics.
When I first came out I was scared to get tested. I hadn’t really received much education on how to take care of myself. Over the years I’ve learned and become much more comfortable talking with my doctor and regularly getting checked. Colby Melvin
Regardless if you're a fan of following young gay men or not. I found this article to very open and interesting. We tend to forget that while they have amazing bodies, they are for all intents and purposes people.
Image purchased from istockphoto.com and used for commercial use only.
It appears for many bisexuals in the LGBT community they feel left out or excluded. Samantha Allen of the Daily Beast wrote an insightful article about being bisexual in the LGBT community. You don't think that this would be a serious issue, however, it appears to be more common than we think. There are those in the community that show their disdain for anything different, outside of the norm.
The article "Are bisexuals shut out of the Club?" It another look at how certain people who are a part of the community are looked down upon, or just not accepted.
Have you experienced being shut out by others in the LGBT community? Tell us your story!
Not too long ago same-sex marriage was decreed as legal in the United States. It is hard to believe that the issue as disputable, confrontational, and subjective is now legal in all fifty states, under the premise of human equality.
Now I don’t want to really get into the issues of social or religious problems that we face in the is country. Instead, I want to talk about social media (gay apps) in the LGBT community. As most know there are a variety of gay social apps to choose from (A4A, Hornet, Planet Romeo, Scruff), however, Grindr has become the most popular and widely used by many gay men.
Like most social apps Grindr scans an area where you live or are and finds other users who are nearby, you can create a profile with information and a picture, which they say gives you better “appeal”. Just think of it as Tinder for gay men; you can talk, chat, exchange contacts, go on “dates”, hook up for sex. To a certain extent, the app does what it’s supposed to, simply because you don’t have to go around announcing that you’re gay. This is most useful in countries where homosexuality is either frowned or illegal.
However, I personally feel that the app could do more harm than good in terms of bringing the LGBT community together, bridging the social disparity between those who have come out of the closet and those who have not; also eradicating the discrimination towards gays. So, I asked four friends to discuss their experiences using Grindr (It wasn’t easy that I can tell you). I gave each one a category and to express their honest opinion about that topic. Here we go!
Guys I find attractive: famous, take, twice my age, doesn't like me back, don't know I exist, not real, dead, or fake. Author Unknown
It Promotes Superficiality
According to Stan who has been using the app for three years now, he has found that pictures are either old or edited beyond imagination, biographies are written in an overtly grandiose manner, and conversations are usually expressed by their alter-ego.
He found this is not limited to just Grindr, but most social apps have the same men on them. Which leads to one being disappointed when you finally meet up because they fall short of expectations (don’t fool yourself expectations are always involved even if you’re just meeting up for a booty call). I asked him to explain what he meant by expectations, he stated “They say that their versatile when in fact they are a complete bottom or suck cock, eat ass, kiss, and you find out it’s not true. A huge turn of.f” He goes on to say, “Most men on these apps are full of crap, they don’t show up, or just want to collect pictures.”
It validates promiscuity
One of the most stereotypical remarks that you often hear is that homosexuals are promiscuous, that you just sleep around with whoever that comes your way.
Trey has been using Grindr for 3.5 years now and has found that most men keep their social app usage on the down low, they don’t want anyone to know they’re using the apps for quick hook-ups. When in fact most men “use Grindr to get laid as much as possible, so long as the other guy “fits” their taste or preference.” He goes on to say, “this really isn’t good for the community and bad for overall health, but it also validates what others have been saying all the while.”
Let’s just be honest Grindr was made with the purpose of hooking up, however, is that the impression that we want for our community? In a world where we are scrutinized. And it’s important to note that the “straight” community isn’t immune to social stereotyping. There are just as many apps for straights are there are for gays. Regardless, we are all at one time judged by society.
It reduces character
Nick has been using Grindr since 2012 and is amazed that this app like most will “reduce the character of who they are, and how one carries themselves.” With Grindr, all that goes out the window so to say.
One will find themselves overly obsessed with the idealistic. The perception of bodily image is reduced to the point that if you don’t have the face or body of David Beckham (pick you own if that helps), one is automatically categorized as not “hot” or even worse “visually appealing,” and that leads to contortion of character, where one feels inferior to the guys out there.
I mean gay men already tip toe on eggshells when out in public, increasing their self-consciousness and making them belittle how they look which just affects them emotionally and mentally. This only causes them to withdraw in their insecurities, and does not bring anyone closer to the “norm”.
It magnifies labels
Labeling is just a brutal categorization that one cannot escape, especially on Grindr. I mean you must choose a label for yourself so that others can “scrutinize” you in their minds before meeting or getting to know you as a person. Negative (or positive, for the body builder) images are conjured before anything even happens.
Michael has been using Grinder for 6 years. He admits that looking at “stats” is the method to determine if someone is worth contacting. He also states, “Grindr does promote superficiality and narrow-mindedness.” And that what matters on gay apps is “the chiseled cheekbones, washboard-defined abs, and a huge cock.” He doesn’t like that fact that most on Grindr (along with other apps) all want the same thing, there is no diversity, or acceptance that a guy might be just average. Just look at their profiles, you will see masc. only, no fems, no fats, twinks only, no or only blacks/whites/Latinos/Asians, no over/under a certain age, the list can on and on. Michael concluded by saying “I do love the LGBT community, they understand what it’s like to be pushed aside and marginalized for their sexual preference, I can’t say the same for Grindr. There is more discrimination and prejudice on Grindr than anywhere I have experienced.”
Please don’t get me wrong, I do believe that Grindr and other social apps have allowed people to come together, to share the same interests as them, to allow those who are shy to express themselves, and connect with others in the community. However, I do believe that you must make peace with yourself before loving others, believe in yourself before loving others, and that includes having the courage to face your own shortcomings and accept one’s identity.
Just let me say this. For those who are actively seeking their “happily ever after” on Grindr, just know that it will mostly be a “happily never after”.
Dallas, Christos. "Grindr - Everything That is Wrong in the Gay World". 1 Oct. 2013. Vada Magazine. Opinions. 07/20/2017.
Personal Interview. Stan. 08/01/2017. Name changed to protect identity. Phone.
Personal Interview. Trey. 07/31/2017. Phone.
Personal Interview. Nick. 07/22/2019. Name changed to protect identity. Web Cam.
Personal Interview. Michael. 08/04/2017. Name changed to protect identity. Phone.
Disclaimer: "Opinions express are solely personal and do not express the views or opinions of Squirrel News."
Images: istockphoto.com. Upper header pictures purchased for commercial use only. Lower picture found image search, owner unknown.
Believe it or not, there was a time that if you wanted to meet someone you had to actually go to a bar and start a conversation. Long before social app sites like Grindr, Adam4Adam, Scruff, the interaction between two gay men could be told by the hanky code or “flagging”. This was more prevalent during the 60’s and 70’s in the leather and BDSM to covertly signal their sexual interests; this was at a time when being gay could get you arrested, beaten up or fired (one can still be fired for being gay).
In the past 10 years this method has somewhat fallen by the wayside; however, in the leather community, you can still find men that will flag their back pockets. I never understood the hanky code until I became more involved in the leather community, and trust me I asked questions. I found it fascinating that what originated in the 60’s and 70’s was still around. However, you can understand why it still exists; for some, it might be the tradition of the past, and for some, it might be the mystery of using one. Either way, it is a fading practice.
This history of the handkerchiefs is very interesting and while it is believed to have originated in New York City, in fact, it is based on a San Francisco tradition that date backs to the mid-1800. They were commonly used in the American West by cowboys, miners and rail engineers. When gold was discovered in 1848 the style was carried on by prospectors that flocked to California. In 1846 San Francisco’s population was about 200, however, after the Mexican-American War, the population would explode to roughly 36,000. But the percentage of the population were mostly men; therefore, men were forced to dance together at social, with some men wearing a blue bandanna to show that they were assuming the male leading part in the dance while others wore red bandannas to show they were taking the female following role in the dance.
It is a tradition that has seen many changes, but the basic colors and meaning will never change. Especially within the leather community. J. Franklin
The modern use by gay men appears to date back to the early 1970’s when a journalist for the Village Voice joked that instead of using keys on the left or right pocket to indicate top or bottom in the bedroom – the prevailing custom of the time – instead, men should use colorful handkerchiefs that could be used to signal more specific interest.
Many variations still exist, but the following from Larry Townsend’s 1983 book The Leatherman’s Handbook II (2nd edition) seems to be the most commonly followed for the core colors. Here are a few examples:
Since then there are have been several variations with regards to the color of handkerchiefs for example; white = racists, gray = boring, baby blue = mother issues, pink = ingrained homophobia, and mustard = you drink too much. So it appears that like anything in life the hanky code is changing to meet the different terms of the gay community as it expands to include more within the community. Regardless of how you feel, the past meets the present and move forward to the future. It is these traditions that define our culture and allows us to express ourselves in different and unique ways.
GLBT Historical Society Archives & Museum. Archives & Research Center. San Francisco, CA. Online. 19 July, 2017.
The Village Voice. Archives. New York City, NY. Online. 19 July, 2017.
Images: istockphoto.com. Purchased for commercial use.
As we all know falling in love is the easiest part of a relationship or any relationship for that matter. The hardest part of any relationship is commitment and keeping the relationship going. Experts claim that passionate love only last 2 to 4 years, which can create problems for any relationship, and that mutual respect and compatibility then become increasingly important. However, if you are gay (homosexual) you understand that keeping a relationship health is hard work.
Most gay relationships today never last past 5 years according to Psychologist Jess Bering. He states “that for most gay relationship it is at this point that either one or both partners will “fall out of love” or “disinterested”. It is important to understand that in the animal kingdom the primary goal of most male species is to reproduce. Humans are no different, but for some couples a legal marriage prevents most from going outside of their relationship (we know this is not always the case), and only because there are legal consequences.
"Heartbreak is every bit as much a psychological adaptation as is the compulsion to have sex with those other than our partners, and it throws a monster of a monkey wrench into the evolutionists' otherwise practical polyamory." Psychologist Jesse Bering
Mutual respect and compatibly then becomes increasingly important as the relationship progresses. Here are a few tips that might help gay couples to remain committed to your partner.
Communicate - This is key for a long lasting relationship. Never allow small frictions in your relationship to be blown out of proportion. Be open and honest with your partner about what you are thinking and feeling, big or small. If you are bothered by something then speak up and discuss the issue together and remember once resolved it is over. Don't go back and rehash or live a problem.
Spend quality time together - the demands of life and work will always affect your relationship. It is equally important to establish time together or "Us" time. Together you should both block our time on your calendar and schedule other commitments around that date.
Experiment with sex - No matter what you do avoid at all cost "gay/lesbian bed death." Sexual passion and activity diminished in long term homosexual relationships, it's going happen. It does take some effort to spice up your sex life. Both of you should consider exploring activities you've never done before. Don't ever exceed your partner's boundaries, there should be a frank, open and honest discussion about each other limits, and there should always be respect. For example, try doing some role play, this will allow each other to explore another side of sex without feeling pressure.
Keeping a relationship fresh - This can be some work, but in the long run it is well worth it. Try introducing elements of surprise or anything fresh in your relationship; this will help you remain committed to your partner. Sending flowers without an occasion or an extraordinary active will help keep a relationship vibrant and interesting.
Avoid Jealousy - Unfortunately jealousy in all too common in the gay community. Without a doubt it will destroy any relationship. Jealousy mostly occurs when either one or both don't trust each other. We you have to start checking email, social media, call or texting all of the time, knowing where each other is at all times; there is no trust, and without trust there is no relationship (healthy at least). If you feel controlled by your partner you should confront and have a discussion, express how your feeling and resolve any issues.
Compromise - It is easy to always feel that you're right. To have a good relationship you need to always keep an open mind about any situation. This involves keeping your relationship on a even ground and establishes balance.
Just always know what you get out of any relationship is what you put into it. This is two people working together for a common goal, to be happy, healthy, understanding each other, accepting their faults, never expecting them to live up to you expectations, and above all trust.
Source: Ryan, Christopher, and Cacilda Jetha. Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality. N.p.: Haper Collins, 2010. Print.
Image: istockphoto.com. Purchased for commercial use.
Now I don't know about you, but I cannot stand an unclean penis. Especially if the man is uncircumcised (uncut). I mean who wants to go down there if it smells, and we have all been there. Now I understand that there are men who enjoy it unwashed, but I'm not one of them. I was surprised when someone asked me if there was a way to keep it clean. OK, after I got over my shock, I really didn't know the answer (common sense might work). Since I am cut there's never been an issue.
So in response to the question, I have put together 5 steps to keeping your Johnson clean and smelling just right! The fact that I'm even addressing this is just too funny to me, but here we go!
1. Choose a mild soap. Many soaps will contain perfumes that may cause skin irritation (sensitive skin), and some even contain cleaning agents which might be too hard to use on the genitals. For best result try using a mild, unscented soap that can be used on the body, whatever you do don't use hand soap.
3. Wash the penis. Lather up your choice of mild, unscented soap between your hands, and apply it to the testicles and shaft of the penis. The key thing to remember with an uncircumcised penis is to wash under the foreskin.
4. It is important to maintain personal hygiene, but doctors do over warn against over-washing the penis. Frequently washing, especially with soap or shower gel, can cause soreness and irritation. Therefore, you should also thoroughly dry the penis after showering/bathing. If you use talc or body powers on your testicles, resist the urge to powder the penis. Talc if it gets under your foreskin can cause irritation and discomfort.
5. Understand foreskin care. With proper care and hygiene, having an uncircumcised penis does not present any significant health problem; however, failure to clean under the foreskin can cause a buildup of oils and debris, called "smegma." Other common foreskin problems include:
Now I did consult a dermatologist to get basic information about keeping your uncut penis smelling nice, healthy and clean. For the most part it's not rocket science, and it's a pretty simple process.
Source: Peter W. Simoneaux, MD. Dermatologist. Ochsner Clinic. New Orleans, LA
Image: iStockPhoto.com. Purchased for commercial use.