Written by: Mike G. - Personal Opinion
This is going to be a long and very homophobic rant, but it truly is how I feel. I am sorry if I offend anyone, but I just need to let this all out.
I absolutely hate being gay, I hate it more than anything in the world. I feel like I'm in a bubble of my own looking out at everyone living happy straight lives. My god how I envy straight people. I look at them with such adoration, how they were born the way Mother Nature intended it to be. I feel so miserable watching how perfect it looks to me, a man and woman together, the way it's always been through time, the way we all came to be.
Nobody knows that I am gay. I live in a very homophobic family and I doubt my friends would accept me. Just so god tortures me more I live in the gayest friendly city on the planet, New York City.
All I think about is how dreadful the future will be when I start to see my friends getting married and having children while I'm left out on my own like I always am. How will I continue to keep this secret in the future? Every single happy moment of my life, in the back of my head, I remember that I am gay and instantly I know this happiness won't ever last.
My parents, my friends, everyone in my life, it's all just fake. If they ever knew I was gay they would treat me differently. I would always be that "gay" friend. I envy them so much, how normal they are. They don't need to carry this kind of burden. Hell, I've built such a straight life around me that nobody would even believe me if I came out.
I feel like if I were straight, I would be a whole person. I never function as well as I can. I never truly smile like I mean it.
The worst part is that I've entered into relationships with girls, they would start off strong, but after a while I would be so consumed with guilt about secretly lying to them I would put less and less effort into the relationship because I figured it's all fake anyway, and Im not normal no matter how normal I seem when I have a girlfriend. In the beginning though, it feels SO perfect.
I hate your sex obsessed culture, I hate your "sassy gay" way of talking, I hate your vanity, I don't want to be part of it! I'm not a twink! Or a bottom! Or a top!
I hate that I don't see men as romantic partners, only sexual ones. I hate anal sex, I hate how I feel after masturbating to gay porn. I hate that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm 21 years old, I want to be out meeting girls, having fun, living life. Gay people are such a small percentage of the population, WHY the hell did I have to end up this way?