International Mr. Leather (IML), the annual Chicago gathering of queer leather and kink enthusiasts, recently announced its plans to drop its decade-long ban on vendors that promote, distribute, sell or advocate for condomless sex. Many HIV- and sex-positive advocates felt the ban needlessly vilified adult studios and people who participate in condomless sex and considered it especially hypocritical considering the amount of condomless sex that happens at IML itself.
In an interview with Hornet, Joey McDonald, president of the Chuck Renslow Charitable Corporation, the entity which has overseen IML in the two years following the 2017 death of IML’s founder Chuck Renslow, said, “[We’re going to repeal the ban.] It’s going to happen, sooner rather than later. It’s just a matter of actually putting that statement down on paper and making a press release.”
McDonald said the event, which attracts up to 16,000 people each year, hasn’t enforced its ban since 2014 when Renslow recognized the increased impact of PrEP, daily medications which greatly reduce the risk of transmitting HIV.
“Renslow called the widespread availability of PrEP ‘the advent of a new day for [gay] sexuality,’ adding, ‘our community has learned a lot from this [HIV/AIDS] crisis, and we’ve matured,’” Hornetwrites. “As it stands… the ban mostly ‘exists in people’s heads,’” Renslow told Hornet, adding that “IML has not turned away vendors for ‘promoting’ barebacking since .”
IML’s vendor fair has previously allowed gay adult studios that have produced condomless scenes. This year, the vendor fair includes an apparel retailer named Breedwell which sells socks with the word “breed” on them, a slang term for condomless sex.
McDonald clarified that when Renslow came up with the ban in 2009 (at a time when people knew little about HIV-undetectability), “It wasn’t about vilifying pornography. It wasn’t about restricting sexual freedoms. It was simply his idea of protecting the community.” McDonald added that IML attendees felt divided over the ban, but — whether right or wrong — it at least started conversation over condomless sex and its importance in people’s sex lives.
Written by: Daniel Villarreal. 29 April 2019. Barebacking. Queerty.com
If you asked men whether they’d love to have a huge penis, most would immediately say yes. Some men even go to absurd lengths to give themselves one. But is being well-hung really worth it? What about “huge penis problems”?
According to the Redditors on the subreddits r/askgaybros and r/bigdickproblems, many would be happy to lose a few inches, either in length or girth.
Here are 5 complaints showing when it comes to a huge penis, the grass isn’t always greener:
1. Sexual harassment is a real issue.
One of the most commonly reported huge penis problems is that since it can be hard to hide a large bulge, there’s constant commentary — and when the owner of that big bulge objects, they’re sometimes mocked. Redditor u/HallowedTower108 writes about what he experienced:
Sexual harassment is the worst. It’s unbelievable to me that not everyone can seem to grasp when that behavior is appropriate or wanted. I had a male trainer for about a year and I really thought we had become close friends, but I started to notice tiny things. Eventually he started occasionally commenting on my bulge at the gym and that grew to him starting to tell me intimate details about himself and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with that kind of talk, but his response was that I was moving away to college and I need to get used to that sort of ‘Locker Room Talk.’
Finally, he told me to stay naked when we were changing in the locker room and started talking about all these sexual things he wanted to show me. I left right then and there and had to cut him off after that. I would hate to deal with sexual harassment everyday. Compression shorts would be a pain to wear [for] an entire workday, too. If people really won’t stop commenting or the like, though, you might have to buy a few higher quality pairs and try to make it work.”
Or, you know, maybe your coworkers can stop being pricks.
2. Other men may be jealous.
Speaking of coworkers being pricks, u/TaskForceCausality shares what happened after he was outed at work as having a huge penis:
So last week I had a meeting. Usually I take a leak before the meeting as it’s three hours long. Typically I use a stall, but I was pushed for time and literally the only available commode was a urinal. In the middle. Did I mention the privacy dividers stop at shoulder level?
Some of you can guess what happens next. I tried to make it fast, but couldn’t finish before the 6’4 Operations manager and a coworker took the urinals left and right.
A week later I’ve suddenly become persona non grata among the male coworkers here. I’m not the kind of guy who gives a shit about jealousy, but it blows that now I have to put up with this drama. Like high school all over again.
Just venting, and counting my blessings no male VP decided to take a leak at that time.
3. Sex can be difficult with a huge penis.
A recurring theme by some Redditors was that it can be difficult to actually have good sexbecause their huge penis doesn’t really fit their partner. Redditor u/chanman333 writes:
Gift and a curse. When I was single I got lots of hookups because of my size. But lots of those hookups couldn’t actually take all of me so it was ‘meh’ sex. But luckily I found a hot twink that loves me almost as much as he loves my dick.
Similarly, u/HighCalorieSalt has a similar issue with his girth:
I’m not hung lengthwise (about 6.75); I am pretty thick (little over 6 inches around with a tape measure). I’ve only had a couple guys successfully bottom. Most guys wanna suck it and gag a lot, but I find it hot so oh well.
And u/rickyrun was personally on the other end of a huge penis:
I am happy with my size, but hung out with a guy who has a huge cock. It was about 10 inches and thick. I didn’t know this as we did not meet on a hookup app. We are fooling around and he pulls out his massive dick. I remember thinking that’s not going inside me. I’d try my best to suck it. He told me that most guys can’t put more than just the head and a tiny part of shaft in their mouth and he’s actually a top but had to be a bottom just to actually date. It ended up becoming a therapy session. We made out a few times and he blew me over the course of a few weeks, but never got the chance to go more than that.
4. Surprise erections with a huge penis are very difficult to hide.
We’re all familiar with spontaneous erections, particularly during puberty. Everyone reading about this probably knows about the good ol’ book trick when it used to happen during class, but u/ImperialResurrection’s huge penis problems meant being in a situation where that wouldn’t work:
I was in the gym, wearing standard attire of loose fitting, decently short-shorts. As a consequence of performing sets of high weight bench presses causing a rise in blood pressure (and I won’t lie, checking out some cute guys), I had developed a ‘3/4 mast’ erection which resulted in the tip of my penis being exposed out of the end of the shorts, along with an extremely noticeable bulge. Naturally I went to the toilet as soon as possible to urinate and dis-spell the erection.
5. People see you as just a huge penis, rather than a person.
One Redditor wrote about how his reputation precedes him, and not always in a good way:
99.4th percentile here. It doesn’t really affect my life? I mean maybe it made it easier to get laid when I was slutting around but those days are long gone, thank god. I do remember getting pissed when guys I was seeing would go and talk to everyone about it. In fact, one boyfriend told me after a year of relationship that the reason he started talking to me was that he had heard about it. Felt bad.
Written by: Matt Keeley. 06 April 2019. Original Publishing 18 September 2018. NSFW. Sex. Hornet.com
When I first came out, the man I was dating took me to a popular cruising area in the city.
Cruising, for those unfamiliar, is a term primarily used for those who visit public locations (often parks and forests) in pursuit of sex. He wanted to show me what it was like being a gay man pre-Grindr and I appreciated the lesson.
However, the moment we stepped out of the vehicle, my arms instantly crossed.
“You’re not comfortable here at all, are you?” he asked with a smirk, revelling in my innocence. The idea of hooking up outdoors in secret with complete strangers seemed wildly irresponsible and dangerous. Then again, I was newly out and had no idea what it was like being queer, much less at a time when identifying as such was far less accepted.
Fast forward a year and a half, and I was frequenting my first bathhouse in Montreal.
I was visiting and a friendly couple at a bar asked if I’d like to join them and their friends for some drinks, as they’d seen I was alone. After chatting with them for a few hours, we established a friendly repertoire. Soon after, they asked me to join them at the bathhouse across the street. I decided to go, mentioning that I’d never been and was reluctant. They reassured me there was nothing to worry about.
Turns out, they were right. The experience was better than I could have ever anticipated. It was scary – perhaps overwhelming is the better word – I’ll admit.
The lights were dim, the men were naked (save for the few who wrapped towels around their waists), and the only thing on television was hardcore gay porn. The place was reminiscent of a nightclub, except lockers replace coat check and sex dungeons replace dancefloors. Showers were scattered about and people had sex in rentable rooms in maze-like corridors (or did it publicly).
But for a Saturday night, the place certainly wasn’t full.
As a writer concerned with paying my own rent in an overpopulated and expensive city, I wondered how such a large building could afford to remain in business. I then wondered whether the convenience of Grindr, the app that essentially revolutionized gay sex for men (and what I’d been using while on vacation), had any impact on this industry, and, in some way, is the reason the bathhouse – and many others – often appear so empty. Bathhouses are certainly suffering: nearly 200 bathhouses operated inside the United States in the ‘70s, according to USA Today.
The number has since narrowed down to about 70.
I brought my Grindr theory to Doug, the man who approached me at the bar in Montreal. He admitted that he still frequents a bathhouse once a month on average, but will go more often when he’s out of town, having visited bathhouses in Toronto, Montreal, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. And he told me he doesn’t consider apps like Grindr and Scruff mutually exclusive.
“I’ve definitely met Grindr and Scruff hookups at bathhouses, especially if neither of us could host,” he shares. “I also meet regular fuckbuds at bathhouses, often for the same reason.”
Doug also cites ease of location, the diverse selection of men (who aren’t on the apps), making friends while travelling (“I’ve definitely met some long-standing friends at bathhouses”) and “messy” acts like fisting for visiting a bathhouse.
“I also often go with my husband and our boyfriend. It’s a fun way to do something sexual together without having to arrange for additional sexual partners, and it allows each of us to do our own thing while also having fun in the same space,” he adds.
Bathhouses are essenitally playgrounds for gay men, he argues.
“People enjoy bathhouses because it's easier to get a feel for someone in person. People flake online too much,” Matt, an employee at a popular bathhouse in Toronto, shares. “Bathhouses (can) have bars which makes it more social. The facilities (hot tub, sauna, etc.) are convenient, sexy and, let’s be real, it's nice to get immediate gratification.”
Matt contends apps, while convenient, have their drawbacks, citing flakes, bots, ads, catfish and the nature of an app’s “notably cold and distant” interaction as reasons patrons visit a bathhouse. “We have many regulars whom I imagine like the non-sexual times as much as the sexual times.”
“For me, it’s the hedonistic environment. I am a total sub bottom, so walking around nude with other men leering at me is hot,” Trenton, a regular at bathhouses, shares. “I also love the noises and sounds of sex. It’s an animalistic place. I am bi, so it’s so fun to indulge my love of sex with men in a place specifically designed for that.”
Trenton grew up in conservative Texas and bathhouses in San Antonio, Austin, and Dallas were the places he explored and experienced his sexual awakening, safe from violence and judgement. “It’s where I figured out what I wanted,” he says. “They are just special to me.”
I brought up stigmas that bathhouses face like being alleged drug-fueled havens to Matt, and asked if he’d like to dispel any of them or if they don't apply to the apps.
“I can't say bathhouses aren't drug-filled because some bathhouses are less strict than mine,” Matt shared. “I can't say they aren't dirty because bathhouses around the world operate under different standards."
However, Grindr is not really any different.
While the app insists it prohibits the promotion of drug use in its user profiles and is committed to creating a safe environment, a 2017 study in Thailand concluded that gay dating apps“significantly increased motivational substance use through messaging from their counterparts.”
The report says persuasion through dating significantly influenced people toward accepting a substance invitation, with a 77 percent invitation success rate. And while research on meth and Grindr in particular is limited, other studies suggest a similar influence.
But something that is noticeably different between Grindr and bathhouses is the age of patrons or users, however that is beginning to change.
Previous generations have been comfortable with the cruising nature of a bathhouse due to culture they were exposed to, whereas younger generations were stereotyped as being more comfortable sending a naked photos before texting "hello."
“Bathhouses do tend to have an older clientele on average, in comparison to say a hookup app, but I think that we’re seeing a resurgence of people attending events at bathhouses,” says Jason Orne, assistant professor at Drexel University and author of Boystown: Sex and Community in Chicago.
Ornes says that a growing group of younger patrons are beginning to attend bathhouses, especially on theme nights.
“The rise of kink culture, the increasing acceptance (or return of acceptance) of casual sex and multiple partners, and reduction (in some communities) of HIV stigma due to the U=U campaign and PrEP, I think has led to an increase in bathhouse attendance among young people.”
As a result, Orne believes bathhouses are a great representation of the current divide in gay communities.
“Between gay men that are looking to assimilate into straight culture (‘I’m with a man, but there’s no other difference between me and straight people.’) and queer men that embracing their sexuality and are experiencing a resurgence in sexual spaces and communities.”
While bathhouses have undoubtedly suffered throughout the years, it's unclear whether this is due to the cultural shift that sex apps have perpetuated. More likely, it’s the result of multiple factors (a privatization of sexuality driven by hookup apps, a rejection of men-only environments that exclude women and transgender people, pressures on sexually explicit businesses from regulations and gentrification).
Gay bars have suffered a similar fate, as LGBTQ acceptence has made exclusively queer spaces less of a requirement, which is not exclusively Grindr’s fault.
But whatever the reason, bathhouses, while not as popular as in their heyday, are here to stay – even if not as present as before.
Over the weekend, I published a poll on Twitter, asking my followers if they think bathhouses will remain in business in 10 to 20 years. Despite the indisputable trend that more and more bathhouses are closing with every year, the results were resoundingly in favor that yes, bathhouses will certainly remain in business.
“I do think they may have to change up their business model to become more like community hubs and multipurpose spaces. Ironically, much like the bathhouses that we saw in New York in the 1970s,” Dave, one of the men who voted in the poll, shares. “The warehouse parties that we are seeing now are one extension of those sexual spaces.”
While the way gay men socialize and pursue sex has undoubtedly shifted, but it’s evident we’re still deeply nostalgic for the social nature of a bathhouse.
And with sex-positive parties gain serious momentum in metropolitan cities as gay bars continuing to disappear, it should be noted that these new spaces are the very reflection of what the bathhouse has done seemingly forever.
Because they both are places where people can socialize away from their phone, and are one of the only places where we can still connect by disconnecting.
And this fact is something an app cannot and will not ever possess.
BOBBY BOX is a prolific freelance writer and editor in Toronto. His work on sex, sexuality, and culture has been published in The Daily Beast, Playboy, Billboard, AskMen, Complex, and NewNowNext. Follow him on Twitter @bobbyboxington.
Written by: Bobby Box. 25 March 2019. Commentary. advocate.com
We all know that stereotypes in the gay community is rampant and pervasive. A 19-year-old masculine bottom says he has problems keeping men’s attention as a black “extremely masc” bottom. He believes that it due to the face that he doesn’t conform to perceptions of what bottoms should look and act like.
“I’m the big black muscle guy that looks like a top,” he writes on Reddit. “I’m 19, but I’m beefy as hell, so most people think I’m in my late 20s. I’m also a complete submissive bitch, but most guys don’t expect that out of me. I’m not opposed to topping, but I only like to top guys that I know will be around for a while (like a FWB or a romantic interest). I’ve been told I’m handsome and all of that, but all guys want is the lightweight twink they can throw around. All of my hookups have called me a big dude in a good way, but it seems like it isn’t the dream. Plus, I’m black so everybody thinks I’m a top as well.”
This author would be glad that he is the dream for some men. “How rare of a species is this?” one wrote in a DataLounge forum thread about masc bottoms. “I think I’ve finally found one, and, damn, am I in heaven.”
“Masculine bottom porn suggestions most welcome,” commented another user.
On another DataLounge thread, someone asked if masculine guys bottoming is “hot or not.” Responses to that post included “very hot” and “the best.”
That addresses the perception that masculine men can’t be desired as bottoms, but what about the bias against black men as bottoms? Unfortunately, the Redditor is far from alone, and the fetishization of certain races is yet again to blame. Take this Thought Catalog essay titled “Dear White Gays: Not All Black Guys Are Tops.”
“I want you to know that when you approach me at the bar or online and you assume I’m a top, or that I’m hung, or that I’m hung and a top, I feel dehumanized,” the author writes. “It feels like you’re reducing me to a thing that can perform a service for you, not like a mutual bond, the way sex should be.
He concludes: “When you’re a black gay guy, bottoming is a political stance. It’s a small way of saying, I don’t want to play the game of upholding dehumanizing stereotypes and images. I don’t want to confirm media and cultural stereotypes about black ‘virile’ masculinity.”
Moral of the story: We should all just appreciate humanity in its all many forms, and, more specifically, men who have sex with men in all their many roles.
Well, who would have guessed, but according to a new report from the RAND Corp. Marines have more sex than any other branch in the United States military. The survey was completed in 2015 for the Health Related Behaviors Survey, included about 17,000 participants and covered all branches of the military.
It was found that Marines are more than likely to “engage in riskier sexual behavior” by having “more than one sex partner of the course of one year.” You could just look at it this way Marines are more sex-positive than soldiers, sailors, and airmen.
Dr. Sarah Meadows who lead the study cautioned people to not cast judgment over the findings. She stated: “We’re not trying to blame anyone for this, but the Marine Corps does tend to stand out,” she says. “Each of the services has their own culture. “ She added, “Marines tend to be young men. Compared to young men on college campuses, it’s pretty similar.”
The study also revealed that Marines are significantly more likely to smoke cigarettes, cigars and e-cigarettes and binge drink.
Outside the biannual international AIDS conference activists took to the street using the ‘U=U’ chant. This is a new rallying cry for people living with HIV that delivers the message that people who are on treatment and undetectable are not capable of transmitting the virus to their sexual partners, was front and center throughout much of the march as it wound its way through the narrow streets and canals of Amsterdam.
Gay men, women, sex workers from around the world appeared united in educating the world what it means to be undetectable and getting governmental agencies and health officials to sign onto the message, which comes as a major breakthrough.
There is no doubt that these activists are willing and capable to speak for themselves, a video taken by Mark S. King show them marching and chanting with passion.
A new article published by the Advocate has reported that fashion photographer Rick Day has been accused of sexually assaulting to models. The exclusive interviews models Barrett Pall and Kai Braden have both claimed they were sexually assaulted by Day, whose work can be found in GQ, Elle and Vogue Italia. At the time of the assault, both men were teenagers.
Pall reported that Day reached out to him in 2007 through the online platform Model Mayhem and stated that Day was interested in shooting him for a coffee-table book. In the message, which The Advocate obtained a screenshot of, Day assured Pall he was “not looking for a hookup … but I find you very cute and would love to shoot a hot sexy shot of you.”
The Advocate reports:
Day got on his knees, pulled out Pall’s semi-erect penis from his underwear and began masturbating him. Pall says he was stunned and frozen but felt pressure to pretend he “was OK with it” in order to get through and obtain the photos. Pall tells The Advocate he was a virgin and this act was the first time he’d done anything sexual with a man — an experience he says was “robbed” from him. Day allegedly told Day to ejaculate on his face, and when he was finished, he offered Pall a shower to clean off. The shoot, which Pall says seemed to go on forever, was finally over.
Branden account is very similar and claims his assault occurred in 2006 when he was 18. Like Pall, he arrived at the shoot to learn it was just the two of them. There were no other assistants, make-up artists, or anyone else around. In the middle of a shoot, Pall alleges Day pinned him to a wall with his “hand around my neck” and his “mouth to ear” and whispered, “it was OK, that I should just relax.”
The Advocate reports:
“I remember he asked if I had ever had sex with a guy before, and I told him I had never had sex period,” the model says. Day, whose fingers were on Braden’s anus, “seemed to ease off when I told him that.” Braden claims he was pinned to the wall for at least two minutes until he eventually pushed the photographer off. “He seemed to have gotten the picture, and we wrapped up the shoot,” Braden says. “I tried to get out of there as quick as I can and keep my cool.”
Afterwards Braden told his agents what had happened. He says they replied by saying, “Yeah, we know,… Rick is like that with guy [models], but he takes great pictures.”
“A photographer should have never felt comfortable enough to come up to me in the first place and repeatedly put his hands on my body without my permission, let alone sexually violate me,” Braden says.
Day declined multiple times to comment on the story.
h/t: The Advocate
The 19-year-old teenager Fredy Alanis who was injured after sucking a 10-inch did has given his first radio interview this past Saturday on The Adam Sank Show. Alanis revealed that the man is both long and thick, and he has gone back for seconds after he recovered. He also explains that the medical term for the trauma caused by the sucking is “Pneumomediastinum.” It’s very serious, and he could have died.
However, we are really curious about this sudden viral fame and what has happened since the article went viral. The teenager explained that his parents are not happy and because he was partially misquoted in the initial article. “It’s really impacted my personal life as far as it comes to family life, because my parents are super upset about it,” Alanis explains. “They are still upset about the article,” he says.
He furthermore stated: “It’s because when, in the article, they quoted my calling myself a whore. They asked if my family knew I was gay and I said, ‘Yes, but they don’t know I’m a whore,’ is what the article said but that’s not my words. What I said was, ‘Yeah, they know but I didn’t tell them about the situation because I didn’t want them to think that I’m a whore, you know?’ I don’t want them to think that I was going around whoring around.’ They completely twisted my words.”
Alanis understand that his “I think [my mom] will always be upset about the article, but it just kind of something that is out there now and there’s nothing you can really do about it now.”
What bothers him as well is that his sister has started receiving threats from internet trolls, telling her that she should tell her brother to go kill himself. “One of the things that has upset me the most, my sister has been getting so much backlash for this,” Alanis says. “She has people texting her and messaging her, saying, telling her to tell me to kill myself.”
You can listen to Fredy Alanis interview on the Adam Sank Show:
Well, it appears that Americans are having sex at work, a lot it seem. OK, not that much, but more than we thought.
According to a new study, 14% of Americans have has sex at the office, according to a new study conducted by EdenFantasys. 2000 women and men participated in the study. And some did admit to being caught, 1 in 5 was caught in the act.
Here are some more tantalizing facts; 10% said they had sex with the boss, 33% of that 10% did it for a promotion, 17% said their plans didn’t work out, and 1 in 5 lost their jobs.
“For many, work is a very stressful environment and sex can be a great stress relief,” Fred Petrenko at EdenFantasys says. “We recommend spicing things up with a good sex toy instead.”
The Guardian has posted a confessional published by an unnamed man who opens up about what sex is like with someone with autism, “a homosexual man in my mid-50s diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome or high-functioning autism.”
Explains in detail what it’s like for him:
“Informal environments such as higher education and work, I come across as reasonably normal, pleasant, chatty if a bit shy and wary, and unusually sympathetic (albeit in a detached way, as if I were a professional counselor). Outside of work, I am introverted, a creature of habit, mistrustful of people, preferring seclusion and personal autonomy. People regard me as remote and eccentric. A comfortable level of social interaction consists of talking for a couple of hours over dinner, a few times a year, within a small circle of trusted friends. I do not bond emotionally with anyone, including immediate family.”
And it’s the “not bonding emotionally with anyone” part that can make sex a little, well, tricky.
He has a heightened fear of disease contagion and admits that even casual contact with people repulsive, and it’s for this reason he avoids any intimate relationships. He does state that he is a person with sexual needs even given his challenges, so does he meet those needs? “In the least risky, least effortful manner,” he writes. “Solitary masturbation, one to three times a day.”
He furthermore has come to look at his situation as a “biological urge” but understands that “The aspiration for love and sex is not universal,” and “Nor is it exclusively people with a low sex drive who choose a solitary life.”
h/t: The Guardian